by alichava | Jan 20, 2026 | Organizing & Cleaning, Parenting
The start of a new year often brings an urge to reset. New plans, new structures, new intentions meant to carry us forward.
But meaningful resets rarely happen because the calendar changes. They happen when a chapter closes.
Our household reached one of those moments last week when our senior finished school. Over the past year, our daily systems quietly adjusted around that reality. Morning routines shifted. Carpools reconfigured themselves. Extra time appeared where it was most needed.
Those adjustments weren’t written down. They worked because everyone involved understood their role.
Now that the household has changed again, those systems no longer fit. What once created ease now needs to be rethought. The work ahead isn’t dramatic. It’s practical: noticing what has changed, naming what no longer applies, and redesigning routines so the household can function smoothly again.
This kind of reset is familiar in organizations as well. Teams adapt around people, roles, and constraints. Temporary workarounds become permanent. Informal systems carry real weight. When the context shifts, those systems either evolve — or begin to create friction.
January is a natural time to do this work, not because it demands reinvention, but because it offers a pause. A chance to ask:
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What systems were built for a situation that no longer exists?
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Where are we relying on arrangements that assumed a different set of people or capacities?
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What needs to be clarified now that circumstances have changed?
In households, this may mean redistributing responsibilities that were once absorbed quietly. In organizations, it often means revisiting processes that only worked because someone was compensating for them.
The goal of a reset isn’t efficiency for its own sake. It’s alignment. Systems should reflect current reality, not past convenience.
When routines are redesigned with intention, they stop requiring constant adjustment. They allow people — whether family members or colleagues — to step into their roles with clarity.
The best resets don’t announce themselves. They show up in smoother mornings, fewer reminders, and a renewed sense that the structure matches the life it’s meant to support.
That’s the work worth doing when a chapter ends — and another begins.
by alichava | Jan 15, 2026 | Parenting, Software & Apps, Tools
Yesterday was a reminder of how fragile some of our most relied-upon systems actually are.
A service outage meant text messages didn’t reliably come through. In practical terms, two-factor authentication codes never arrived. Accounts couldn’t be accessed. Work stalled — not because credentials were wrong, but because the delivery mechanism failed.
In theory, two-factor authentication increases security. In practice, when it depends on a single device and a single channel, it can introduce a different kind of vulnerability.
I use authenticator apps for many accounts. I also sometimes rely on text-based codes because they are quick and widely supported. But as anyone who uses internet-based phone numbers or travels internationally knows, SMS-based authentication isn’t always dependable — especially when services are disrupted or numbers don’t behave like traditional mobile lines.
What struck me most wasn’t just the inconvenience. It was the way the system forced a context switch.
Regaining access usually requires reaching for a phone, which immediately reintroduces notifications, messages, and ambient noise — even on days when active use is minimal. During yesterday’s outage, that reliance became more apparent. The device was checked repeatedly for codes that never arrived, while its battery continued to drain, highlighting how much background activity persists even without meaningful engagement.
There is growing research showing that mobile phone use fragments attention and increases cognitive load, particularly when interruptions are frequent and unplanned. The cost isn’t just momentary distraction; it’s the gradual erosion of sustained focus over time.
This is the deeper tension I keep coming back to.
We design security systems that assume constant device availability. At the same time, many of us are actively trying to be more intentional about how and when we use those devices — for focus, for presence, and for the ability to stay on task. The result is a system that protects accounts while quietly undermining attention.
This tension becomes even more pronounced for students and young adults.
College students studying abroad often lose access to U.S.-based phone numbers. Text-based authentication fails. Backup methods haven’t been configured. Account recovery becomes complicated precisely when independence is supposed to increase. What feels like a minor oversight at home turns into a significant barrier elsewhere.
At the same time, there is a growing movement toward more mindful and intentional phone use, not through bans, but through structure. Approaches that emphasize boundaries, awareness, and deliberate engagement — rather than constant availability — are increasingly recognized as sustainable ways to reduce habitual distraction. This broader conversation is grounded in data. Surveys indicate that Americans now spend more than five hours per day on their phones, and many express a desire to cut back on usage. Research also suggests that excessive smartphone use can disrupt memory and reduce focus, particularly when use becomes habitual rather than intentional. Among students and young adults, recent evidence links heavy smartphone use to both cognitive and psychosocial effects, underscoring how closely attention, emotional regulation, and technology use are intertwined.
A few years ago, we made a modest household decision: phones don’t belong at the dinner table.
It wasn’t about discipline or nostalgia. It was about protecting a narrow window of shared presence — time that didn’t need to be optimized, documented, or interrupted. That decision has held, even as work has changed. Even in environments that occasionally require rapid response, it’s usually possible to step away briefly. The result isn’t perfection. It’s intention.
When we need to plan — meals, schedules, logistics — we often start with tools that feel almost like we are still in last century: paper, a whiteboard, a pen. These tools do something deceptively powerful. They hold complexity without competing for attention. They allow multiple people to see, contribute, and adjust without pulling anyone into a private digital space. Only later do we translate that thinking into digital systems.
In Jewish tradition, intention matters. Kavanah is not only about what we do, but about how we structure the conditions that make meaningful action possible. Boundaries around time, space, and tools are not limitations; they are enablers. Paper planning at a table is not a rejection of technology. It is a way of saying: this moment deserves a different kind of container.
I’ve been thinking a lot about approaches that don’t involve banning devices, but contextualizing them:
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Verbalizing intention before picking up a phone (“I’m using this for one task.”)
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Setting aside regular device-free time — something Jewish life already models well with Shabbat.
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Using and actually honoring app time limits, especially for platforms designed to pull attention sideways.
From a systems perspective, this matters.
Protective mechanisms are not neutral. They shape behavior. They pull people across devices. They interrupt concentration. And they assume levels of infrastructure stability that don’t always exist, especially across borders, carriers, and time zones.
This isn’t an argument against two-factor authentication. It’s an argument for designing it with redundancy, context, and human behavior in mind — particularly for families and organizations preparing young adults for independence.
That reality became especially clear as our school reminded families that many seniors will be abroad over the next several months. College applications that rely on text-based two-factor authentication tied to U.S. phone numbers can create unexpected barriers, not only to receiving acceptances, but also to accessing critical financial aid and scholarship information at a pivotal moment in the decision-making process.
Security should protect access.
Security should protect access.
Good design should protect attention.
As phones increasingly function as authentication tools, communication devices, and attention hubs, the way we design security systems has consequences well beyond cybersecurity. We don’t need to choose between security and presence — but we do need to acknowledge the tradeoffs when we ignore how systems actually get used.
by alichava | Jan 13, 2026 | Cancer, Parenting
January has always carried a certain weight. A new calendar year brings reflection almost by default — a pause long enough to notice what has changed and what has endured.
This January feels more bittersweet than most.
It marks another year of clean bills of health following a January 2019 breast cancer diagnosis. The milestone is real, but understated. What it signifies most is not triumph, but continuity. Time has continued. Plans still extend forward. Life has retained its ordinary shape.
At the same time, we are reaching a turning point as parents. Our oldest is finishing high school this week.
Taken together, these moments have reframed what reflection looks like right now. Less about revisiting the past, and more about preparing for what comes next.
When children are young, parenting often centers on values and protection. As they approach independence, the focus narrows to something far more concrete: competence. Values still matter, of course. But they are carried forward through practice far more than through instruction. The unglamorous, necessary skills that allow life to function when familiar structures fall away.
How to make dinner.
How to pick up a prescription.
How to read and reconcile an account balance.
How to use money thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
How to track responsibilities, documents, and obligations — especially when living or traveling abroad.
These are not skills taught in a single lesson. They are absorbed through participation in systems: watching how things are handled, being invited into responsibility gradually, and learning that small oversights compound over time.
What we often call “adulting” is less about age than about infrastructure. Independence depends not on confidence alone, but on having reliable ways to orient oneself, financial, logistical, and organizational, when external guardrails disappear.
Survivorship has quietly influenced how I think about this handoff. When time continues, urgency fades, and clarity replaces it. The question becomes not “what if,” but “what needs to be solid before the next stage begins?”
January doesn’t demand reinvention here. It invites refinement. Strengthening the systems that will travel with our children when they leave home. Making sure responsibility feels familiar rather than performative.
Bittersweet moments often signal that something is ending. This one feels more like confirmation: that time is moving forward, and with it, the work of letting go, thoughtfully, deliberately, and with care.
by alichava | Aug 11, 2021 | Books, Deals, Parenting
It’s a new book from my husband.
You can read it free with a kindle unlimited plan.
Parenting shouldn’t be seen as an act of survival. Yet, for most of us, we sometimes feel like we are barely getting by as parents. We’re overwhelmed by school requirements, conflicting kid appointments, and the unplanned for meltdown. We tend to fall into the same patterns of behavior without really taking time to think things through or even allow ourselves a glimmer of hope for a more peaceful parenting experience.
The business world has long since learned about the power of innovation. Using strategies such as design thinking, which was championed by IDEO, businesses have learned to explore, observe, and experiment in order to solve seemingly intractable problems. And let’s face it, a four-year old having a tantrum on the floor of a supermarket is a pretty intractable problem.
Using the tools of innovation and design thinking, Dr. Ari Yares encourages parents to move to an innovative parenting style. This unique approach to parenting is more than just trying to solve a single problem. It’s an approach and an attitude that gives you permission as a parent to fail forward, knowing that this failure will make you a better, more innovative parent.
by alichava | Aug 10, 2021 | Amazon, Deals, Organizing & Cleaning, Parenting, School Supply, Sukkot
We’ve had this laminator for almost 10 years and have not had any problems. We use it for Sukkot, but we also have lots of checklists and planners all over the house that we laminate.
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by alichava | Oct 12, 2020 | Children, Education, Parenting
8 Years ago, we were just starting to think about schools for our daughter and what we would want to to do, so I came up with a bunch of questions for parents looking at the school for their children.
We have lived in 4 different communities, with great Public, Private, Community Jewish, Orthodox Jewish, and Schechter Schools. When you live in a community that has many options, it is often hard to choose what is best for you. We have 4 children and they all different and have different needs for their learning. The one thing I have learned is no school is perfect. There are things that are great and things that are not great about every school.
It could be that an orthodox school or a yeshiva might not be the right fit for an orthodox family, a community day school might not offer the religious experience you are looking for, but public school and a tutor might be a perfect fit. It could be that the orthodox school has the right feel, but is missing a lot of what you want and the community school doesn’t have the religious components you are looking for and it will be difficult. There are so many choices and what works for one child might not work for all of your children. I also think it’s important to re-evaluate continuously. If there are real issues, you should re-evaluate that year. If not, the best times to re-evaluate are at transition points like Middle or High School. If there is a change in the structure of learning, like starting in 4th grade they separate girls and boys for learning, then that is a good transition point that might not be typical, but is just as important. It’s important to look at the last grade that is at the school in case you stay the entire time, but the makeup by the time you hit that grade will be very different, so really focus on now and the amount of years your child will be in that division.
Before you even meet with the school or call parents you know with kids currently enrolled. Make a list of what is important for you and then use that to figure out the questions to ask. What is it that you want to get out of the school? Do you want small class sizes? Are stem courses really important? Is daily Tefillah (prayer) important? How long do you want them to provide for davening (praying)? Is it important for them to have strong Jewish text skills? Do you want to have a community of other religious families? Is the school’s stance on politics and Israel align with your stances? Once you have your priorities in order, it will be much easier to evaluate whether the school meets those needs.
I have updated the list I started and added questions that friends of mine have suggested or that I felt would have been good to ask. Some of these won’t be appropriate to ask, but give you a starting point. Some of these are based upon my experiences and how parents have reacted:
General
What is your handwriting program?
What reading program are you using?
What is your science program like?
Besides smart boards, how is technology integrated into the curriculum in each grade?
What kinds of project-based learning occurs in the elementary school?
What kinds of blended-learning opportunities are there and for what ages?
What kinds of real world skills are offered to a student?
At the end of 5th grade, what skills does a student have?
If the school goes until 12, ask what skills they have at the end of each school (MS & HS)?
What is the estimated class size for each grade?
What is the maximum class size?
How many teachers & assistants are assigned to a classroom for each grade?
What kinds of music does a student learn throughout elementary school?
What kinds of art does the school offer?
How much time does the average student spend on homework?
Does the school assign homework?
Do you teach about evolution?
What is a typical school day like?
What are the hours of school?
Sometimes schools encourage certain behaviors early on even in general studies and it might not even be something that they think about. I would ask two questions:
- For younger girls, I would also ask about how you support building toys or other toys that girls might not typically play with?
- For younger boys, I might ask about imaginative play and whether boys are allowed to dress up?
Judaics
What subjects are done entirely in Hebrew for each grade?
What are the Hebrew language programs?
What is Tefillah like in the Elementary school?
If you have a daughter and are looking at an orthodox school and want them to have opportunities, you might want to simply ask if they pass the Torah to the women’s side of the Mehitza?
Is there an opportunity for Women’s Tefillah?
How do you deal with theology questions like Does God exist? Or who wrote the Bible?
Is Talmud taught at the school and if so, is it taught differently to girls and boys?
Do your 5th/8th/12th graders finish the year wanting more Jewish experiences or tired/resistant to of all of it?
What level of Jewish knowledge do you expect from the parents?
How do you convey Jewish values?
How does the school teach about Israel?
After-school/Enrichment
What kinds of enrichment programs do you offer?
Are there any extended day programs or early drop-off?
Are there any sports offered in the elementary school and if so, what grade do they begin in?
School Culture
Any differences based upon gender?
How do you deal with same sex parents, is the school inclusive?
What kinds of opportunities does the school offer for families from different areas to interact with one another?
How does the school handle birthday parties held on Shabbat or that have non-kosher food?
What’s the dress code like? Is is focused just on girls and their skirt length and sleeves?
Is there a uniform?
How do they engage the parent body?
When is in-school presentations (when we can go back to those)? Are they all during the day?
Does the school deal with gender identity and how does it do this?
How are the faculty and staff treated?
Does the school practice social promotion (advance to the next grade no matter what) and grade inflation?
What kind of community would you describe the school as? Do you feel like you have a community where people of all different Jewish knowledge levels and religious backgrounds interact? Do you see it as a community looking out for one another for deaths in family, births of children, etc.?
Support
What supports are offered?
Are there supports for those struggling with a dual-language curriculum?
Is there a change between how support is offered between grade levels?
What kinds of support do you provide for the inevitable fighting that goes on between groups of friends?
How do you handle bullying?
For older kids, I found it a very important part of the process to get my daughter involved in looking at Middle School. We went to several open houses before my diagnosis and she definitely noticed things at some of the schools that I did not. We noticed that the local public middle school had computers in the lunch room. The all girls school we looked at had really short skirts and they were singing Christian songs as part of the introduction. While the Stem and music programs looked amazing, she was uncomfortable with the lack of openness by everyone to us as an observant family.
COVID-19 Specific Questions & Hybrid Learning
This year is very different when looking for school. We are looking for our daughter who is going into pre-K and our daughter who will be going into middle school. And have 6 months of online learning, my kids current teachers have really done a fantastic job innovating. I can’t speak to the High School, but both my daughter’s middle school teachers and my son and daughter’s lower school teachers have really gone above and beyond to help support executive functioning, innovative teaching, and really supporting the kids. I noticed that my son was writing his Hebrew backwards and I emailed the teacher and she met with him to help him sort it out. My daughter’s English teacher sends out weekly agenda’s with everything they are working on for the week and when everything is due. He also follows up to check in if anything is missed. But they will remain mostly online for now and I am not sure hybrid learning will work yet for the kids. Decide what the priority is for you kid and then ask those questions. I hope that next year we won’t still be virtual, but you should plan that many schools will not be fully back in person by next fall and even if they are there will be the possibility that at some point that they will need to quickly transition part or all of the school to online learning.
- If you do not want your child to be in a classroom, how will the school give your child a good experience at home? What technology have they invested in to give the same experience to both students in the classroom and those at home?
- Will the school support families who choose not to send their kids to school?
- What kinds of changes have teachers/administrators made to adapt to online learning?
- How does the school deal with zoom fatigue?
- Even if schools aren’t ready to return, you might need to return to work full-time, will the school’s schedule work for you if you have to return full time?
- Which students are prioritized for returning at the school?
- Have any general school policies or school cultures changed? And does the school plan to implement them back in the future? This could be school plays, graduations, siyyums, field trips, or even home work.
- What ways are you building community during COVID?
I’d love to hear if you have any other questions to add to this. Hopefully this gets you started on your evaluation.
